I am learning to recognize when my life is in transition. You know those moments in life that you don’t realize you’re moving from one phase of life into another until after it happens? I get glimpses of those phases when I quiet my mind enough to hear the whisperings of my spirit.
My moments are unique to me. When I begin to feel suffocated in life (with my job, family, obligations) I know there is change brewing within. When the ‘adults’ around me irritate me with their childish behavior, I know there is change stirring up inside of me. Many times I have found myself feeling restless and unable to maintain my thoughts on singular ideas. When my mental space is crowded, I know it is that time of transition.
Learning to recognize my signs for life transitioning is important. Once I started noticing the signs I remember to be more mindful of my thoughts, words and actions. I can also be more deliberate with my thoughts, words and actions. That is a powerful feeling. To be deliberate with the thoughts I choose to focus on, deliberate with the words I choose to speak. To be deliberate with my actions that choose to (or choose not to) partake in.
That is power. Power over myself. That feels strong. “Life and death are in the power of the tongue…” I heard that said at a Mary Kay convention in 2004 and it is so true.
You ever have one of those days where you want to check out of adulthood and go back to childhood? Today was one of those days for me. But I started thinking about what I could do differently, given the chance to advise my younger self. So I created this of seven things I would tell my younger self.
Trust your gut. Your instinct will keep you alive because it’s the universe sending you signals. Trust the vibe the universe sends your way. Your gut instinct will direct you to (or away from) anything meant to help (or harm) you.
Laugh often. Laughter is healthy. Your laugh is unique to you, when you relax and be yourself.
You ARE beautiful. Hurt people hurt people. You can’t stop them from hurting, only they can decide when they’ve been hurt enough. Don’t allow anyone to dampen your shine.
Being intelligent is good. Having a love for learning and wanting more knowledge is not a bad thing to be punished for. Wanting to understand the world around you is the most beautiful thing. Keep learning.
Don’t give up. For anything that sparks your soul and gives you joy, hold on to it!
Get plenty of rest. You can’t enjoy life if you’re exhausted. Let tomorrow’s worries care for themselves… I’ve read that somewhere and it makes sense.
When you discover your true love, hold on with all of your might. It’s not often that people connect on multiple levels in a synchrony that mimics a musical dance, so when you do – make the most memories for as long as you can…
If you could go back and advise your younger self, what would you say?
I’m sitting in a McDonald’s eating breakfast before heading into my day job and I start flipping through a notebook I keep in my purse.
Skimming old notes my phone rings and it’s a caregiver. My first thought was, oh damn what now? Gratefully she was letting me know she worked out a situation she had brought to our attention on Friday. Huge sigh this Monday morning.
Returning to the pages I had begun to peruse, I came across a poem I wrote two months ago, currently untitled:
The first week of NaNoWriMo is completed and I hit the 10,000 word mark a couple of days ago. Some writers in the chat groups are toasting their 50,000 word completion and marching onward to 100,000 words. I say congratulations to them! I don’t know how they accomplished it that fast but I am happy for them. Meanwhile my characters are doing the do-si-do in my mind at night while I am trying to sleep. And when I wake up to tend to my two toddlers (one in school and one at home) I am super exhausted.
But in true NaNo fashion (although this is my first one) I am trudging onward. My characters had a drama filled tale to tell and who am I to deny them? Participating in NaNoWriMo has definitely introduced me to a lot of interesting writers. And the fun part is we are all eager to help each other out.
Okay a brief breakdown of what’s going on with my NIP (novel in progress):
“Hey baby. How are you?”
“Paul I’m not your baby and what do you want?”
“I just want to know if you were busy. I want to come see you.”
“I am busy and no you cannot come see me. Why don’t you go see Joanne, Jennifer, Shanta, Ms. Smith, Cindy, Mellie or Rebecca? Take your pick.”
“Don’t be like that. I miss you. I need to see you. Rocky NEEDS to see you.” Rocky is what Paul named his penis when he wanted sex.
“No Paul. Call Jana from Hawaii. Why don’t you call your ex-wife? Oops, my bad – your legally separated wife you lying sack of shit. I told you I am done with you and your games. Go find someone else to play with and I don’t miss Rocky. Who names their dick Rocky anyway?” That last part made Mia burst out laughing.
“Yo, who is that laughing? Don’t make me come over there.”
“I’m about to hang up on you. And FYI: stop mimicking the porno movies you watch. You’re not learning anything.”
“Don’t be cold like that. Let me taste you.”
Marissa and Mia spent the rest of the night laughing at men and their schemes to get laid.
Mia is hilarious but doesn’t really know what she wants to do with her life but is secretly jealous of her best friend, Marissa. Marissa admires Mia’s free spirit and openness to trusting people and situations. There are quite a few twists and turns coming in the next 20,000 words. I just haven’t written them yet. With Marissa’s ex-boyfriend, Paul, she broke up with him for cheating on her and lying to her. What do you think should happen to Paul? Post in the comments below. Thanks!
A new friend, Eliza David (author of the Cougarette series), shared with me how she imagines her character portrayals as film actors/actresses and writes for them accordingly. Well in preparing for NaNoWriMo I borrowed her idea and began thinking of who could portray my main character, Marissa. After jotting down the basics about Marissa I discovered that based on age and height I found my inspiration with Keke Palmer. The images of her that I have seen online are perfect for Marissa!
Now I just have to finish drafting an outline before the challenge begins on November 1st. I am still nervous but I can do this. 50,000 words broken down into 1,667 word increments every day. About 500 – 1000 words an hour. As long as the ideas keep flowing. Okay, now to work on setting descriptions and keeping the plot interesting…
Okay, I accomplished the re-release of my collection of poetry, Entangled Hearts (available on amazon Kindle for $2.99), and signed up for the NaNoWriMo 2015 challenge. To put it mildly, I’m terrified! 50,000 words in thirty days, how do you guys do it?! Is it insanity or is it normal to feel this fearful of writing? I have ideas floating around in my mind but not sure which one will be THE one to write.
How do you guys decide what to write for NaNo? Do you create outlines on your computer/tablet/phone or write them down in a notebook? How do you decide on how many characters go into your story? Character names? Personalities? Quirks? Are you tempted to start writing before hand or do you wait until November 1? Will the story be finished in time? Will there be time to edit or do you wait until NaNo is over to edit? And will it be good? Do you block everything out for thirty days? I will keep you posted on my progress when the challenge starts. Until then…
Many times when October rolls around many people are thinking about Columbus Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. Many times the quiet woman nursing bruises is overlooked. The timid woman in the office is ignored. The mother who averts her gaze when picking her child up from school is mistaken for being stuck up. Many times this is not the case. Many times she is trying her hardest to avoid abuse at home should she not return fast enough, should she be caught or suspected to interact with others. Our job as a community is to learn what the warning signs of domestic violence looks like. Our job is to speak up and speak out to end the cycle of domestic violence in our communities.
The media always portrays domestic violence as always being physical violence, like when Rhianna’s image flew across the internet after Chris Brown abused her. Yes, that is domestic violence but that is not the only form it comes in. Because society believes that is the only face of domestic violence many women stay silent for fear of being ridiculed and judged for not resembling Rhianna. In all cases of domestic violence the beginning stages include emotional and psychological manipulation. Loving words and gestures while slowly, methodically, and quietly separating the prey from any and all forms of outside support, i.e. friends, family, loved ones. Once the separation is complete then the loving words turn into judgments, put-downs, insults, ridicule and cruelty. The longer this stage is allowed to continue unchecked and unchallenged the more dangerous the situation becomes. In the most dangerous cases sexual and physical abuse begins.
Recognize the mental and psychological abuse: “You’re fat. Nobody’s gonna want your fat ass!”; “You didn’t have anything when I met you!”; “Everything you have is because of me!”; “I saw you looking at that person, so I know you slept with them!”; “You ain’t shit! Everything you think is an idea that came from me!”; “If you try to leave me I will call the police and have you arrested!”; “But baby I said those things because I love you. I NEED you! I can’t be without you!” Other forms of domestic violence include financial abuse, and sexual abuse. Being in a relationship does not entitle anyone to sex. NO means NO! Another misconception is that only women get abused. It is rare but men can also be victims of domestic violence too. Recognize the signs, ask careful questions, lend a listening ear and offer genuine help. Especially when children are involved. Children learn what they live. If you or someone you care about is in an abusive situation call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (from a secure phone line) for help: 1-800-799-7233