Imperfection Perfection

I found one of my notebooks in my desk at work today (I have several notebooks stashed in various locations at home and at work). Looking through that notebook I discovered some of my poems that were written about six months ago.

Talk about surprise. I am caught off guard sometimes when I re-read my work because the intensity of my poetry is amazing. But alas, it is my poetry, right? This one particular poem, Imperfection Perfection, is one of those poems…

Staring at my reflection

at the results of bearing life

stretch marks gracefully swim

across my abdomen in waves

of caramel kisses.
The low slope of my breasts

reflect the nourishment

I provide for all who came forth

from my body.
My body is imperfectly perfect

in it’s own way

loving me as I love it…

– Why Yet 11/29/16

Kindle is Life…

I just finished reading Mini Habits For Resilience by Tom Meitner on my way to my day job. He breaks down little ways we can develop a stronger resilience in our daily lives. I came across Tom’s book accidentally while searching for free books I could download for my children. (In case you are new to reading my words I am a word nerd, book nerd, however you’d like to describe it – I love books).

In life we tend to be harder on ourselves than anyone else, especially when we fail to reach a goal we’ve set for ourselves. This book shed light on the truth of how set backs can effect our view of ourselves and our abilities. Tom also offered ways to build resilience so setbacks aren’t as devastating to our sense of ability and accomplishment.

I think everyone should read at least one self-help book a year to improve in an area of life you may feel needs sprucing up… 

Black Without Apology

Too many times I have encountered individuals who behave as though only they have a right to exist on this planet. As big as this rock is… really? I can’t say I’m surprised with 45 fueling the flames. But I was inspired by the words I’ve been reading on here tonight. I wrote this poem, Black Without Apology, as an in your face call out to those who are closed-minded about anyone who is different:

Does my skin offend you?

Has my DNA mocked you?

Has my resilience taunted your very existence, pushing you to hate me?

Does my intelligence frighten

the very idea of your

subsistence on the degradation of my genetic make-up?

I guess nightmares and dreamscapes of terror

encourage you to intake artificial courage

to defile the image of my being

solely because you can’t bear

your child-mind of feeling inferior,

that gestating seed of uncertainty

that gnaws at your immorality

while you justify your (lack of) humanity

to your brotherhood of nonsensical brethren…

But I digress…

Your inability to come to terms with your ideas of the world

belong to YOU.

I am my melanated self because I am

and always will be

Black without apology.

– Why Yet 4/3/17

Transition State of Me

I am learning to recognize when my life is in transition. You know those moments in life that you don’t realize you’re moving from one phase of life into another until after it happens? I get glimpses of those phases when I quiet my mind enough to hear the whisperings of my spirit.

My moments are unique to me. When I begin to feel suffocated in life (with my job, family, obligations) I know there is change brewing within. When the ‘adults’ around me irritate me with their childish behavior, I know there is change stirring up inside of me. Many times I have found myself feeling restless and unable to maintain my thoughts on singular ideas. When my mental space is crowded, I know it is that time of transition. 

Learning to recognize my signs for life transitioning is important. Once I started noticing the signs I remember to be more mindful of my thoughts, words and actions. I can also be more deliberate with my thoughts, words and actions. That is a powerful feeling. To be deliberate with the thoughts I choose to focus on, deliberate with the words I choose to speak. To be deliberate with my actions that choose to (or choose not to) partake in.

That is power. Power over myself. That feels strong. “Life and death are in the power of the tongue…” I heard that said at a Mary Kay convention in 2004 and it is so true.

The 7 Things I Wish I Would Have Known About Adulthood…

You ever have one of those days where you want to check out of adulthood and go back to childhood? Today was one of those days for me. But I started thinking about what I could do differently, given the chance to advise my younger self. So I created this of seven things I would tell my younger self.

  1. Trust your gut. Your instinct will keep you alive because it’s the universe sending you signals. Trust the vibe the universe sends your way. Your gut instinct will direct you to (or away from) anything meant to help (or harm) you.
  2. Laugh often. Laughter is healthy. Your laugh is unique to you, when you relax and be yourself.
  3. You ARE beautiful. Hurt people hurt people. You can’t stop them from hurting, only they can decide when they’ve been hurt enough. Don’t allow anyone to dampen your shine.
  4. Being intelligent is good. Having a love for learning and wanting more knowledge is not a bad thing to be punished for. Wanting to understand the world around you is the most beautiful thing. Keep learning.
  5. Don’t give up. For anything that sparks your soul and gives you joy, hold on to it!
  6. Get plenty of rest. You can’t enjoy life if you’re exhausted. Let tomorrow’s worries care for themselves… I’ve read that somewhere and it makes sense.
  7. When you discover your true love, hold on with all of your might. It’s not often that people connect on multiple levels in a synchrony that mimics a musical dance, so when you do – make the most memories for as long as you can…

If you could go back and advise your younger self, what would you say?

Reflective Morning

I’m sitting in a McDonald’s eating breakfast before heading into my day job and I start flipping through a notebook I keep in my purse. 

Skimming old notes my phone rings and it’s a caregiver. My first thought was, oh damn what now? Gratefully she was letting me know she worked out a situation she had brought to our attention on Friday. Huge sigh this Monday morning.

Returning to the pages I had begun to peruse, I came across a poem I wrote two months ago, currently untitled:

Good morning beautiful.

Look at me,

I am you

And we are here, together

Scars and all.

We are always

One and the same

Twin flames

Of the same candle

Looking for clarity external

But…

The clarity has always been within

Us.

Scars and all…

Good morning beautiful,

I am you.
-Why Yet 1/3/17

May all of your mornings be beautiful.

Self-Discovery… Again

I have been away for a little bit… (okay maybe a lot) but I’ve missed you all. I was being crushed by the daily grind of my nine-to-five. Argh! Inspiration has been non-existent for me this last year as the realities of raising small children has tried to smother the creativity out of me. But you guys held firm and I thank you!

By you guys, I mean all of you creative, crafty, unorthodox-thinking, out-of-the-box thinking free spirits. You show up exactly when you’re needed the most, be it on social media or in the super market.

I’ve come out of hibernation and began turning my thoughts back to the creative things because of you guys. Writers, photographers, comedians, actors, strangers, friends, co-workers… all of you have aligned together to drag me out of this dark slump of… reality. I was beginning to believe that putting in ten-twenty years at my current gig would be the greatest thing I could do to ensure my children could grow up without needing anything.

WRONG!

I like my job, it’s a steady paycheck that keeps the lights on and food in our stomachs but you guys have reminded me that there is so much more out here in the land of make-believe and “fake news”. Yeah – I was dying to use that line, hahaha. No, but really.

Now, more than ever, creatives are NEEDED and seeing this need has made me re-think how I want my children to grow up… as creatives. I’ve learned over these last few weeks that I miss going to open mic nights, I miss laughing for no reason, making funny faces…

I want to face my fears and challenge myself and experience that thrill of fear and accomplishment. Just in the last thirty days I have been reacquainted with that thrill. I’ve had to drive a SMART car on I-95, Kelly Drive aka Martin Luther King Jr Drive, and the PA Turnpike for my nine-to-five. Prior to this gig I had not EVER driven on any of these roads in Philadelphia. My co-worker got me on two of them in the same day! And in a SMART car no less! Talk about being scared out of my mind! But that familiar rush of fear mixed with adrenaline kicked in because there was no turning back (I was in the company car) and once I parked back at the job I felt so accomplished. I loved it and had forgotten how good it felt to CONQUER fear.

In your self discovery, what fear(s) have you conquered recently? Answer in the comments.

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